State of Emergency


By Tyler Hobbs

Hey, remember me? You will have to excuse my absence, I do apologize, but I have been in hiding for the past, oh let’s say 2 months, because of the pathetic excuse of a basketball team called the Los Angeles Lakers. I am an unapologetic Kobe Bryant fanatic, he is the background on my phone, background on my computer, and I have owned 3 of his jerseys over the course of my lifetime. All season long my friends and brother have berated me about the Lakers, mainly because I frantically chanted prior to the season started that we were “We goin’ to the ‘ship” everytime it seemed fit for the conversation. I responded to their hateful criticism by saying that “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” followed by “I’m not worried.”

Well my days of not worrying are behind me, as I see the Lakers are currently down 17 points to the Bobcats halfway through the 3rd quarter (yes, the Bobcats). Something needs to be done about arguably the most historic basketball franchise in the NBA, and it has to happen soon. Unfortunately, I am afraid we are all out of blockbuster deals. The additions of Dwight Howard and Steve Nash gave me hope, hope for another 3-peat, or maybe even just Kobe’s 6th ring so he can ride off into the sunset tied with Michael Jordan. However, this assembling of great NBA talent has failed in comparison to the success of similar teams, such as the current Miami Heat and Boston Celtics a few years ago. I am no expert, but I do know when something isn’t working, and a 23-27 record isn’t working by my standards, or any Lakers fan’s for that matter. So all this begs the question, what needs to be done? I would love to sit here and make excuses like injuries (though we have been plagued by several this year), but I am going to be a better person than that and say what really needs to happen.

Kobe needs to pass. I had to get it off my chest, mainly because it is true. Though the stat that says when he shoots over 20-something times they are winless is flawed (the reason he shoots that many times is because his team is down and he is trying to bring them back, it’s not rocket science people, c’mon). But the stat that says they won 3 straight, including the Thunder, with Kobe entering the game with a pass first, shoot second mentality. Kobe dropped 14 dimes in back to back games. Allow me to repeat for emphasis, Kobe dropped 14 dimes in back to back games. I don’t care if Gasol and Howard are both hurt, that is no excuse to stray away from that mentality. It worked, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it Kobe.

Equally as important as Kobe’s need to share, is Dwight’s need to grow the hell up. It is hard to tell a 7’0” monster with bigger biceps than your head to grow up, but he is being a gigantic baby. If you are as good as we are paying you to be, then Kobe shouldn’t have to pass you the ball, you should get every rebound because you are 7’0” tall, and 265 pounds of pure muscle, but somehow Byron Mullens is currently out-rebounding you. Long story short, if you want the ball, start collecting some of the team’s misses and go practice your free throws. It is hard to pass to you when the opposing team intentionally fouls you because an armless monkey can hit more free throws than you can. Honestly, I was extremely excited when I saw the news that Dwight was coming to L.A, but so far, he has been nothing but a distraction and a disappointment and if he doesn’t resign then I won’t shed a single tear.

Finally, Mike D’Antoni. I don’t really have a lot to say to you, except shut your damn yapper and coach your team. Every time I turn on ESPN I see your stupid mustache talking to the press. You got lucky to get this job, I hated it when they hired you. I hoped that you would prove me wrong, but so far you have done the opposite.

Long story short, you have broken my heart Los Angeles Lakers. If you don’t make the playoffs this year, which you probably won’t, I’m not sure that we can ever recover. Just please, please, find a way to get Kobe his 6th ring. Also, can we trade Earl Clark before the trade deadline? Maybe the cohesiveness of the team is being thrown off by having a “dirty bird” in the locker room, just a thought. While your at it, trade Metta World Peace as well, he is a nutcase.


UPDATE:  Just kidding, false alarm. The Lakers came back from their 20 point 3rd quarter deficit to beat the Bobcats. WE GOIN’ TO THE ‘SHIP!!!! Not really, but I guy can dream can’t he?

You can follow Tyler Hobbs on Twitter @TylerHobbs5

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