By: Shelby Blevins
Most women are intimidated by the fact that guys love sports so much. Some can’t understand the vocabulary (triple-doubles, pass interferences, RBI’s, etc) and some just can’t understand why it is that you boys are so into a group of sweaty men fighting over a ball.
But there is an elite group of us females who speak your language. We don’t root for your team because we want a piece of your ever-changing attention; we strongly dislike your team because they’re our team’s conference rivals. We don’t lie and say we like your star player; we know he’s had more interceptions than touchdowns or more turnovers than assists in his last game, and we’ve lost a little respect for him. We’re not here to impress you because we know who Brady Quinn is because we saw him on Pinterest… we’re the ones who are here to represent our favorite teams, and let you know exactly why, with statistics, your team is going to lose to ours next Sunday.
After reading that paragraph, the visual in your head of girls like us probably looks more like Chris Farley from the Bill Swerski’s Superfans skit on SNL than Erin Andrews. But I can assure you, I’d never be caught dead in that orange and navy combo, and it’s not because Jay Cutler won’t commit to Kristin Cavallari from the Hills. It’s because Cutler has almost as many interceptions as touchdowns this season.
Basically, we’re the ones who fell in love with sports before we cared about boys. We saw Chuck Hayes play in Rupp Arena in 2003 and could tell you that he is currently averaging 3 points a game for the Kings in Sacramento, (which may or may not have shattered some childhood dreams of ours). We can tell you which players from the Cincinnati Reds started out on the Louisville Bats. We may even tell you that we would go to any out-of-town game, even if we hated both teams, just to have the experience of a real, live game and, to be honest, for the opportunity to pick out an outfit to support the home team.
And because, typically, girls are more interested in human nature than guys are, we can tell you that Lamar Odom plays a lot of 2k in his free time and Kris Humphries is really as dumb as he looks (thanks to our roommates’ obsession with Keeping Up With the Kardashians). Or even that Arian Foster is an incredible poet. We know about Ron Artest’s—Oops, I mean, Meta World Peace’s—failed rap career because we listen to a lot of music. We also rooted for the Dodgers in the summer of 2012 because one of our favorite Olympians, Misty May-Treanor is married to their catcher, Matt.
All we want is a little respect. After all, isn’t the whole idea of sports derived from ancient times? Remember when knights, gladiators, and warriors fought for princesses, maidens and damsels in distress? Of course you don’t, because you weren’t there. But if you had your own Delorean and went back to see it, or if you had any kind of history class at all (which is much more likely), you’d know it to be true. Watching two teams whose only job is to strengthen themselves to their physical peak in order to go into battle is pure entertainment. Nevertheless, arena sports came from the idea that the strongest man survives, and gets the girl. So that not only makes us their motivation, but their biggest fans, too.
That being said, we may not be dictionaries of statistics, like some of you, and we may not know every player of every league of every sport, but we will know enough to fight for our teams, and also warn you that your starting running back may have a lackluster game because his celebrity girlfriend just called it quits on twitter.
Girls have something special and different to offer up in the discussion of sports, like it or not. And I think if you pay a bit more attention, you’ll come to learn that we don’t always tune you out when you’re talking to your dudes about your fantasy league… We’re really just listening in on who we can steal from you next year, and what your weaknesses are.
Female fans are the best kind of fans. And if you disagree, you can say goodbye to all that delicious tailgate food.
By: Shelby Blevins